Survival Skills for the Graduate Student

From Anita Borg Institute Wiki

Surviving Skills for the Graduate Student

Presenters: Shannon Duvall, Elon University Michele Pagnotta, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

2004 Berkeley Graduate Student Mental Health Survey: almost 50% emotinoal or stress-related problem 10% seriously considered suicide 1 in 200 attempted it.. 2004 Survey from Federal University of Sao Paulo: 44% depressive or anxiety disorder 48% sleep disorder 18% suicidal tendencies if we look at only the women's stats it's much worse....

So what can we do... Dialectical behavior Therapy: Basic Skills for: improving focus & decision-making managing stress/distress cultivate effective people-skills

Top tips to grad students: Try making decisions that you won't regret. Act effectively: don't do what you want or what you wish you could do but do what you CAN do. Don't worry, be happy. We trick ourselves thinking worrying is problem solving but it's not, it's just negative emotions.

What is our "Wise Mind?" We've got this reasonable mind about facts and data and we've got our emotion mind with all our emotionally driven thoughts like "no one loves me I'm goign to fail my discertation, no one understands me"... Wise Mind is the place we want to be in to make decisions we won't regret.

Things to act yourself: 1) Look at the facts? What do I really know? 2) how do I feel about this? what thoughts am I having based on feelings 3) based on this, what do I know to be true for me? 4) can I live with my decision and can I go through with it?

So we need to act effective. It's all about maximizing positive rewards while minimizing negative consequences? Don't say what you SHOULD do or what you WANT to do, do what you CAN do. Think about about your specific goal and what actions you know you can go through with. What is the thing you CAN do. recognize the consequences of your actions. Finally don't judge yourself.. don't "should" yourself to death. "I should be able to stay up all night. I should be able to do this faster.." all these things.. not helpful.

Work on being non-judgemental and don't have negative self-thought. "I'm not as good as everyone else here. Someone someday will figure this out & I'll be toast.." This is negative self-talk and it's the dreaded Imposter Syndrome! This is negative thinking. Is this a fact? is it provable? is it a judgement? This can be a fact when we realize we're really saying "I have unique abilities. I am somtimes uncomfortable with my weaknesses."

Advisor Relationships! This relationship is evolving from a "teacher student" relationship to a colleague relationship. Also it's different from an undergrad relationship, because your advisor is not there to pick your classes. Your relationship is professional and ever-evolving and very important to your happiness and success as a grad student. Don't let your worries and crazy moments spill out into your professional life. These fears are not uncommon and they're completely valid but also remember to share these with someone you have a personal relationship with.

How to be professional: Set goals for each meeting you have with an advisor, and a prepared agenda. Take notes in the meeting and over the week take notes and reports of what you're working on. Even if everything you work on doesn't work, let them know because each failure shows your progress and teaches you something. Lastly, listen to what your advisor has to say and try to keep an open mind for their suggestions.

Set goals: These goals can go beyond your research goals. Also think of your relationship goal with your advisor. Also make self-respect goals.. learn to say no when you have to and realize that sometimes you will not say o because of other goals. Realize you can listen and have a respectful relationship with you advisor and still sometimes disagree. Try to do so respectfully.

How to ask for what you need: D-E-A-R Describe - Express - Assert - Reinforce describe what it is you need. express why you need this and how it'll help you. Assert by finally asking for what you want in a very clear manner and then reinforce if you want like "If you do this for me, I'll do this.. " etc.

Dealing with Communication and criticism Try and take all criticism as constructive critism, if they didn't want to help you, they wouldn't tell you what could be fixed. Ask directly for positive feedback when you need to know what is going well but don't be whiny. For example " can you tell me the thing I did best this week. What do you think worked well out of these thigns.. etc." Be clear about what you want and need and be aware and clear about what your advisor wants and needs. If you can't seem to determine what your advisor or wants, or if you're sensing some negativity ask instead of guessing what is wrong.

Make No Assumptions! You don't know what's going on, not everythign is your fault. Just ask and you'll realize that you're probably wrong. By asking, you remove all guess work and can work towards resolution.

Act Confidently ACT confident. You don't have to feel confident all the time.. but you want to put on a confident face in the professional environment. Things which can help are finding power phrases (for example: eyes on the prize) and find your own power. Practice these things in the mirrors so that even if you're having a bad day, you can still come off as confident and polished so you don't have to regret your actions later.

Getting Motivated.. Burnout ==> low motivation ==> Vacation ==> Guilt... Progress comes in waves. If you're stuck... don't feel guilty. You need a break at some point so take one so you can come back refreshed. When you come back, you'll be even more effective than if you'd kept working through your break. If you don't break, you'll likely wind up either getting frustrated or doing stupid things pretending to work. You wind up taking a break (ie playing solitaire or fiddling with silly things on your desk) that's not really a break and winds up making you feel guilty.

After you come back from your break you want to get going again. Quick ways to remotivate yourself is to write out yoru goals and prioritize them. Pick one, and break it into very small steps. Also, be realistic (optimistic) about your time. Recognize what you can really do in an hour so that you don't always wind up taking longer than you thought and getting down on yourself. Then make sure you put breaks in your schedule, whether it's every time chunk or after certain goals. These breaks have to be guilt free so make sure you give yourself permission to take them. Also, if you need, work out a rewards system (small medium and long range). Find cheerleading statements for yourself and practice other stuff you're good at so that you have other things to feel good about if you're having a bad day. Remember to make sure you're focusing on the facts and take guilt-free breaks.

BALANCE! Life Balance! Who lives, breathes and dreams computing science? Leave room for your life. Even if you love computers make room for your other loves. Prioritize your goals and make sure your family, frieds happiness and health get to be in your goal list along with your computer and education goals. Think about: Personal Growth/Care relational growth community growth spiritual growth professional growth

Everyday Balance stay healthy, treat illnesses right away. Eat a balanced diet. Exercise. Avoid mood-altering substances. Get a good night's sleep.

How to deal with Stress or Distress? Distract - Soothe - Focus on something Positive - Relax

Relationships Outside Research Attend to current relationships, reach out for new relationships, repair old ones. Realize that relationships are a priority and make it a goal to make time.

If you're saying you don't have time: You don't have time NOT to have time. You're going to waste more time trying to deal with the issues that emerge from becoming unhealthy (physically emotionally mentally and spiritually). You'll be more productive and happy if you can make time for these things, and once you start you'll notice it's not as hard as you thought. If you need to start slow: Pick ONE other thing to prioritize with school. THen pick two. then pick three... and then you'll find you've gotten all these things back into your life.

In the end you don't want to have to regret grad school, or not have an answer to when someone asks you if you'd do grad school all over again. If this is the case, you had to sacrifice too much while you were there and you don't want to regret giving up all these things. You want to be happy with your decisions.